This blog chronicles my life as I try to balance healthy lifestyle habits with my husband's penchant for pizza rolls and my daughter's desire to watch iCarly 8 hours a day. It contains a mostly humorous, kind, and somewhat spiritual look at everyday life and the people who live it.

Monday, January 12, 2009

I'm not a transvestite I just wear men's clothing

Not any men's clothing, just my husbands. I have to, it's wear his stuff or go naked. You see, I was already at maximum capacity in my jeans before the holidays (well, let's face it, the holidays were just a final straw, I was at maximum capacity basically since Halloween) and while I'm not sure exactly what it was that tipped me over (it could have been the breadsticks that I made, no one else liked, I ate them all) but something finally gave way in my fat cells and I have nothing that fits. My upper body rivals that of a professional football linebacker and my lower body rivals that of any 6 months pregnant woman.

So, I did what any other suddenly fat woman does: I looked in Steve's closet to see what he might have. In the beginning it was a freeing experience. No longer squeezed into girl clothes, I felt wonderful as I enjoyed the roominess provided by his man-wear. Then I began to notice my reflection in store windows and mirrors: I looked a little like a homeless person and a lot like a woman who was trying to camouflage recent weight gain by wearing her husband's clothes.

It wasn't my best look.

I can't understand how this happened, I say to myself, I mean I go to the gym and I don't overeat. Well, I used to go to the gym. I haven't actually been there since Dec. 11 but I should have some calorie-burning-workouts stored up, shouldn't I? And I don't overeat at any one meal, but since I have been eating about 8-10 meals a day I guess it's been adding up.

Like any major life changing event I have had to work through the stages of my recent weight gain:
1. Denial : I think these clothes may have shrunk in the wash
2. Anger: I eat 4-5 extra meals a day for a month and look how quickly I gain weight! It isn't fair! I should be able to eat anything I want and never leave the couch!
3. Bargaining: okay, jeans, if I don't eat anything but salads without dressing for a week then you'll all fit again, right?
4. Depression: I'm always going to look like this. I don't even care. There are plenty of people on The Biggest Loser that are bigger than me! Where's Steve's sweatshirt? Gimme some chocolate.
5. Acceptance: okay Beth, you got a little wild with the lonely-snowed-in-isolated-bored eating thing and now it's time to get back to the gym and eating sensibly.

I'm happy to say that I'm at stage 5 and have even painfully buttoned my girl jeans. My upper body still has a lot of linebacker but my lower body is down a trimester. I am seriously considering returning to an all vegetarian lifestyle as I never had the weight swings when I was veg. I abandoned veg because it was so much work preparing 2 dinners each night when I don't even really look forward to preparing one. But...

...Let's face it: I'd rather be built like a stalk of celery than a hamburger!

2 comments:

Deb said...

You do not look like a linebacker- as a matter of fact I thought you looked great! It is nice though to have all of the holiday foods out of picture-makes it easier to make better choices.

Chellie said...

I agree. You do NOT look like a linebacker! Although, you know I do understand. Once again, I am advocating that potato chips be added to the food pyramid as a necessary and nutritious food group....Now, if only MY jeans would agree.