How did I go from JailBait to Cougar?

I was checking out a fun blog about turning 40.  Then I was chatting with Debbie this morning and she mentions a fun new show on ABC called Cougar Town starring Courtney Cox.  Courtney Cox is a Cougar?  No way!  Courtney Cox is that adorable girl from the Bruce Springsteen video.  Courtney Cox is the super-hip young urbanite on Friends.  If Courtney Cox is a Cougar, then ...then...so am I!  I turn 40 in less than 5 months!

I have achieved Cougar status.

You know I have noticed lately that many of the women in the gym are younger than me.  And come to think of it, that woman on the Pilates mat next to me yesterday may not have wanted to strike up a conversation with me because she may have looked at it as talking to someone who could be her mom.  Just because my daughter happens to be 10 doesn't mean I couldn't easily have a child who is 20.  When did this happen?  I'm still buying acne cream and yet I really do need some wrinkle cream (especially under my eyes, dear Lord it's not pretty).  I remember being in my 20s.  And in my 30s.  But I don't remember aging!

I am looking forward to 40.  I don't feel it's old, though it continually surprises me when other people do.  I have made a commitment to myself to be in the best shape of my life at 40.  (Thus the Pilates, sigh)  As Steve and I celebrate our 19th Anniversary this year (child bride, what can I say?) I certainly feel like our marriage is better than ever.  I'm certainly better equipped to handle my verging-on-teenage-hood-daughter than I would have been 10 years ago.  I'm even better at making (and most importantly, keeping) friends than I was 10 years ago.

Still, realizing that to the young men at the gym I'm the scary Cougar is quite an eye-opener.  Don't worry boys, you have nothing to fear from me, I'm old enough to appreciate what I have, live my life in the present, and not create any drama for my future.  Grrrrrrrowl.

How much gratitude can I pack into one year?

The goal was 52 Graces. The reality is 36 (well 37, for those of you with careful reading you'll note I repeated one number twice). I think I can do better. I know I can do better. It is the last day of 2009. My last chance to review the year and decide what things have truly been a Grace in my life this year. There are so many, yet I find myself struggling to complete this post. Are my Graces good enough? Grace-worthy? Well, I suppose that would be in the Eye of the Beholder, right? Okay, in no particular order, here goes:


Grace #37 Coupons
My inbox has no less than 50 spam emails at any time on any day because I give out my email address like Santa hands out candy canes. My husband is appalled at the junk I get, but I love it and I'll tell you why: coupons. I get more discounts, coupons, special online offers, and rebates just by signing up, filling out all those reward card applications, and giving up my email address to every business who asks for it. This Christmas nearly every item I purchased was subsidized with a coupon, rebate, or at least free shipping. The spam price is high, but so are the discounts.



Grace #38 Benjamin Moore Paint
I've been looking around the old homestead lately and been thinking that I'm ready to take on the next project: my daughter's bathroom. The sophisticated burgundy/gray color scheme doesn't mesh well with the fuschia/orange/pink polka dot shower curtain picked out by a 10 yr old. I have been using Benjamin Moore paints for years and I really like the quality of the paint. I know that I'll have a lot of primer on the walls to cover that burgundy, but when it finally is time to put on the new color I'm glad I have a product that I know will look great.



Grace #39 Milton-Bradley and Parker Brothers
Our family loves to play games. I don't know exactly when board games became popular,but I do know that as a way to connect that doesn't involve dressing/undressing a Barbie or an American Girl doll, playing board games can't be beat. This year for Christmas I bought our family the new Clue game that involves spies, missions, undercover agents, and even text messages sent to your cell phone if you want to use them. I also bought the newest "boutique" Monopoly that uses cell phones, blow dryers, and handbags for tokens and has you owning properties like nail salons, cab companies, and coffee shops. Between those 2 games we have spent hours over Christmas break just hanging out as a family and enjoying each other's company.



Grace #40 Rankin/Bass Productions
Ever seen Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer? Santa Claus is Comin' to Town? Twas the Night Before Christmas? They are all products of the talented team Rankin and Bass. I don't know where they got their inspiration, but I love it! I grew up in the 70s and clay-mation Christmas specials were the coolest most cutting edge form of holiday entertainment. Now, 30 years later I still look forward to those Christmas specials every year. I hope they never stop airing them. Whoever Rankin and Bass are (were?) they certainly knew good holiday entertainment and the songs and clay-mation never fail to take me back to being 9 years old, ecstatic for Christmas, sitting in front of the TV, hair still wet from my bath, in my flannel nightgown and waiting for the Christmas special to begin. Without cable, TiVo, remote controls, DVRs, VCRs, and the youtube we had to wait for something that only came on once a year. You had to actually watch the show when it was aired and you had to sit through commercials. It was a different world back then, but it was magical.



Grace #41 UPS
I don't care who you are, we as a human race get excited when the UPS truck pulls up to our homes. What's it going to be? Who will it be for? Is it something I ordered or something someone sent to me? And arriving home to see a big box on the front porch? Forgeddaboudit! That's hugely exciting! Who among us doesn't make it a priority to drag that box inside and check out the recipient name? I love UPS. I'm sure I'd love FedEx too but they never seem to bring me anything, perhaps I'm not cool enough.



Grace #42 My dad's Christmas gift to me
This year my dad sent me the best Christmas gift I have ever received: he painstakingly digitized every slide photo from my childhood and then sent me a flashdrive that contained, well, my childhood. That's right, my entire childhood was contained on a 4g flash drive and is now copied to my hard disk. Pictures of me napping when I was 2, dressed for Halloween at 10, and going to prom at 16 all jumbled together with family vacations (we seemed to visit a lot of cemeteries...), birthday parties, Christmases, Confirmations and graduations and everything in between. I always look forward to The Year in Photographs that CNN has on their website at the end of the year; this was like seeing My Life in Photographs. I didn't grow up with photo albums, scrapbooks, and framed pictures dominating the walls. I grew up with infrequent gatherings around the blank wall in the dining room with the projector set up on the table. I never got to see myself growing up as I was growing up. It's quite revealing, healing, and entertaining to see my developing body, changing hair colors/styles, and the fashions of the '70s and '80s all as captured by my dad. It's an amazing gift and I will always be Grateful.



Grace #43 Snow
Not much of a Grace to many people, I know, but snow is still magical to me. I suppose it's good to feel that way because as I sit here snug in my kitchen the snow is falling...hard. It's beautiful. The evergreens are coated, the bare branches are outlined, the street, grass, and sidewalks are all blanketed. I don't have anywhere I have to go today. I don't have anything I have to do. I can just enjoy the beauty of a New England winter. I can see it. If I go outside I can smell it. I can taste and touch it. And I am Grateful.



Grace #44 Chai Tea
I've never been a coffee drinker. I love the smell of coffee, so much so that I filled the glass votives around my candles with coffee beans so that my whole house has a subtle, warm coffee smell when the candles are lit. I first discovered chai tea when it was served to me at a Tastefully Simple party. I had a mug of Oh My Chai! and I was in love. Warm, spicy, aromatic, and comforting; I finally got what all the coffee-hype was about. Then when I discovered Cafe Escapes chai tea for the Keurig, I knew my world was complete. I feel pampered when I am sipping a mug of chai tea, flipping through a magazine, and relaxing. I feel trendy when I am running errands, driving around town with my Starbucks cup in the cupholder. I feel energized when I have had a long, busy day, I am exhausted and that hit of caffeine starts to work. I feel
Grateful.

Grace #45 Hoodies
I cannot think of any article of clothing that could be warmer, snugglier, or more versatile than a hoodie sweatshirt. I have a fleece hoodie from the Gap that Steve bought for me for Christmas in 1996. It's still in commission, still being worn, still adored, and still by-God-the-snuggliest-thing-I-own. I love wearing hoodies and I love hugging people wearing hoodies. Lately Steve has been adorning his body with Patriots, Bruins, and Red Sox hoodies. Hoodies make people huggable. When our daughter sits on my lap with one of her Aero hoodies, watch out! I don't want that child to ever leave. I sometimes even replace wearing my apron with the big front pocket by wearing a hoodie, also with a big front pocket! Front pockets, draw string hoods, oversized, and made of the softest fabrics on the planet: hoodies are great!

Grace #46 HGTV
I don't know exactly when HGTV was offered by my cable provider, but I do know that since then my life hasn't been the same. I watch HGTV to be inspired, to relax, to criticize, to learn, to make changes, and to laugh. There isn't another network that provides such a diversity of experiences for me or that I enjoy so regularly. My current favorite shows are Color Splash, Divine Design and Colour Confidential. I used to watch Designed to Sell and Get it Sold faithfully, but thankfully I am no longer trying to buy or sell a house so I don't feel as drawn to those shows right now. I have had the courage and know-how to take on more projects just because I've seen them on HGTV. And it's free with my basic cable service, what a Grace!

Grace #47 Granite countertops
In my lifetime of homes in which I have lived I have had formica countertops, butcher block countertops, tile countertops and granite countertops. Hands down the granite is my favorite. I love how my counter sparkles with these little reflective bits in the granite. I love the solidness. I love the easy clean-up when my daughter got Sharpie permanent marker on it. I love the pattern and color and the natural-ness of it. I know there are now more trendy counters: quartz, cement, and marble. I know that someday, in the not-too-distant future having granite counters will be like having formica counters: something that dates your house and is a turn-off for homebuyers. Trends come, trends go, I know that I may not always salivate over my own kitchen counters. I'll look back on this post though, and remember: my granite counters make me happy every single time I walk into my kitchen and that's a Grace.

Grace #48 Long-distance Friends
Somehow I have managed to connect with the 3 people in this world willing and able to keep up a long distance friendship. I know how rare the quality is because, having moved around a lot, there are a lot of "moving casualties" in my friendship circle. My Christmas card list bears testament to the number of people that I thought I'd always know, always have in my life, that are now mere names on a list: people about whom I know almost nothing and with whom I have very little contact. I appreciate each and every one of these people on a basic, visceral level. You have kept me sane when my life was crazy, kept me connected when I knew not a single soul within 1000 miles, kept me loved when I didn't care too much for myself. I cherish you, and I am Grateful.

Grace #49 Target
I love shopping at Target! I've never been much of a Kmart girl, and Wal-mart feels too controversial, but Target -- Target never lets me down. Need a fast, fairly inexpensive update for your living room? Target has your back: a few sparkly picture frames, some glittery throw pillows, a scented candle or two and your old, shabby place looks great. Sick of your bedroom? No worries: a new duvet cover, perhaps some decadent sheets, a few throw pillows, more candles, more picture frames and you're good as new. Lighting emergency? All the cool kids get their lamps from Target! Last minute gift? Emergency wine glasses? Trendy mirror or clock? I'm getting a little excited just thinking about it...Target...no where else can I buy gorgeous velvet cheetah-print gloves AND dishwashing liquid AND pick up a Starbucks chai latte as I walk out the door. Bliss.

Grace #50 Disney
I'll admit it, I am in the Disney fan-club. I still have fantastic memories from the trip we took to Disney World, almost 7 years ago, I still get excited when a new Disney or Pixar movie is coming out, I still regularly watch Phineas and Ferb, and I think that the High School Musical movies are sheer cinematic genius for the tween crowd. I miss having a child young enough to make a regular pilgrimage to the Disney store, and I fully intend to return to Disney World next year. I know it's a cliche and I don't care. I wear my mouse ears with pride and I'll never forget how much joy all of the toys, games, and movies have brought to our family. Disney sells magic and to those who are willing to believe, it's a great thing to buy.

Grace #51 Burt's Bees
I am currently wearing the Papaya Lip Shimmer. My hands smell faintly of almond from the almond hand creme, and my feet tingle in peppermint happiness from the foot creme. Burt's Bees provides the perfect balance of crunchy-granola-natural that I crave with the decadent smells, easy availability, and fairly reasonable prices that I need. Not as perfume-y as The Body Shop, not as expensive as Avalon Organics, not as hard to find as some other natural products, and adorable packaging to boot. Recently I had a rash (I could just leave you hanging there with all sorts of gross visions in your head) from my sports bra strap. I smoothed on some Burt's Bees Res Q Ointment and all was well. No dangerous chemicals, no environmental worries, no fake ingredients, just Burt and his bees and some herbs. Try that with a petroleum product!

Grace #52 This Blog
Not unlike my Life in Pictures that was gifted by my Dad, this blog is my gift to myself. A log, a chronicle of sorts of my life. A good barometer I can use to see if I'm moving forward, getting stuck, bitching too much, exercising too little, or having faith in God. I look back on posts made a year ago and I am astounded at the grumpy, Realtor-hating, no-faith-in-the-Universe person who was so worried about finding the right house. Where was my faith? Why did I eat so much sugar? Who was I? I hope to look back a year from now on this post and still feel grateful for all the things I've listed plus a thousand more. I don't have any resolutions, but I do have plans: plans to continue my much-reduced-sugar-intake; plans to continue blogging; plans to upload more pictures, decorate more rooms, reduce more clutter, and organize my life. I'll know how I'm doing, and so will you because of this blog. Deb made me start blogging, and I am Grateful.

Happy New Year!

Where Have all the Graces Gone?

Somehow my 52 Graces have only amounted to 25 actual postings of things for which I am grateful. That's okay, I'm good at playing catch-up (though I don't know if even my grateful self can think of 24 things for which I am grateful right now...)

Grace #26 Air Travel
Air travel is quick, relatively efficient, and statistically the safest way to go. There is always something interesting going on at an airport and always someone interesting on the plane. When I want to go someplace I want to arrive NOW and air travel is my best bet to make that happen. Airplanes bring our loved ones to us and, perhaps more importantly, they take them back home when we are just DONE!

Grace #27 Warehouse Clubs
I recently had a party for a large group of people and warehouse club shopping made my life a lot easier. I know many jokes are made about cans of olives that contain 112 servings, but let's face it, when you have a lot of people it's easier to buy one large can and perhaps a few servings left over, than to buy 16 little cans. Better for the environment as well. Besides our warehouse club, BJs, doesn't just have food -- it has everything! It's a feast for the eyes everytime I walk in. TVs, jewelry, clothes, gadgets I didn't even know I needed, Oriental rugs, vats of shampoo -- they're all just waiting to be put into my extra-large cart. I am drawn to their book tables like a magnet then after spending oh, say 20 minutes perusing the books I like to move on to the clothes, which takes about another 15 or so. By the time I have finished with clothes Steve is just about done in TVs and computers so we meet up to look at gadgets and food. It's retail marital bonding at its finest. Beth and Steve plus BJs equals true love. See why I'm grateful?

Grace #27 Baking soda
Yes, I am that crunchy granola that baking soda has made it as a Grace. I have always used baking soda as a natural alternative to scouring powder, in the laundry, in a pinch as a deodorant, for baking, for volcano making, and as a poultice for bee stings. Recently my new stylist Lisa (we'll talk about her in our next Grace) even had me put baking soda in my hair. Cheap, environmentally friendly, safe for pets and kids, easy to use, and with no harmful side effects. (And available at BJs in a 5 pound bag!) I love baking soda!

Grace #28 Lisa, my new stylist
Stylist? Hairdresser? Salon Technician? Hair care professional? I'm never exactly sure what is the politically correct term, I just know that I love the way Lisa does my hair. As part of my year-long-quest to find a good stylist I have been to 6 different salons, including an at-home-in-the-basement-stylist-whose-towels-smelled-like-mildew, and I hadn't really found a fit. Lisa gave me my first haircut in over a year where I didn't emerge looking a little shorn and defenseless. Lisa is also the only stylist to tell me that with fine (read: thin) hair like mine I should make a paste with baking soda (!) and water and spread it on my hair 2 or 3 times a year to prevent product build up and increase shine. I have spent thousands of dollars on hair glazes, shine gels, and clarifying shampoos over the last two decades only to have a 22 cent home remedy actually work the best. Thank you Lisa, you rock at hair styling and I am grateful.

Grace #29 Facebook
I know my sister-in-law is having heart palpitations reading that Facebook has made it as a Grace (and I'm not even scraping the bottom-of-the-Grace-barrel yet!) but I had done something terrible and Facebook is enabling me to attempt to "make it (somewhat) all better." Almost a year ago a friend of mine in Colorado emailed me about a lump in her breast that turned out to be cancer. She ended up having a mastectomy. I was very worried for my friend and exchanged many emails with her prior to her surgery. I was very caught up in the drama of my own little house-finding-debt-reducing-new-friends-making life at the time and didn't send any flowers or cards to her during or after her surgery. I didn't get any follow-up emails from her after her surgery and time went by and I meant to email but didn't because I felt like an ass for not sending any flowers or cards and now look how much time has gone by and now I really feel like an ass and why isn't she sending me an email update and Dear Lord what if she died?

That's where I kept getting stuck. Next thing I knew it was July and I hadn't heard nor contacted my friend since her surgery in February and now I was afraid. What if something had gone wrong? What if she died? Do I send an email and her husband reads this email coming some 4 MONTHS AFTER her surgery from a "concerned" friend and now he has to explain how my concern is touching but just a little too freakin' late? Then one day in November inspiration struck me (yes, now a full 9 months after her surgery and I'm still angsting because I'm still behaving like a spineless ass) and I thought "what if I look her up on Facebook?" So I did. And God takes pity on spineless fools and so she happened to be on Facebook too and apparently has a very forgiving soul because she accepted my friend request and even asked for my address so she can send a Christmas card. I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't been able to reconnect in such a cowardly way. I fear that I may have done nothing. I fear I may have let cowardice, fear, and procrastination take over and let 2 years, 5 years, a lifetime go by all because I felt bad for not sending a card. Flowers. An email for God's sake! Learn from my mistakes, grasshopper. The road to hell may be paved with good intentions but there also may be some technology redemption.

Grace #30 Keurig
Last year for Christmas Steve bought himself a new-fangled coffeemaker that used little individual sized serving cups to make fantastic coffee. He bought a Keurig. I balked at the price. I balked at him buying himself another Christmas gift. I balked at the environmental impact of creating all that waste. I balked at the precious counter space that would be taken up in our then-pint-sized-kitchen. (I use the term "balk" Steve uses the term "bitch", just so you know). In the past year I have since changed my mind about the Keurig. No longer is Steve buying coffee every morning, afternoon, and evening from Dunkin' Donuts or Starbucks. No longer is he drinking coffee at home but complaining about it because it tastes burnt or bitter or old. No longer am I buying Chai Tea Lattes from Starbucks (which, located in Barnes&Noble, means I then have to buy a book or five...). Our ridiculous coffee-chai-book spending is reduced by 99% all because of that little Keurig. AND there is a re-usable stainless steal cup that totally environmentally friendly! What a Grace!

Grace #31 Aeropastale
How can an over-priced poorly made tween/teen clothing store make it to Grace status? Well I'll tell you: Aeropostale is not-overpriced if you're willing to give up your email address because they will send you coupons, coupons, and more coupons in addition to their regular, big sales. They are not poorly made compared to their competition and frankly in our new global economy I have changed my defnition of poorly made anyway. However, those reasons are not what elevated Aeropostale to Grace status: Aeropostale makes it as a Grace because Aeropostale is well-lit, the music volume is bearable, and they don't have half-naked salespeople hanging out the entrance trying to solicit, well I'm not even sure what they're trying to solicit. When our daughter graduated from Gymboree Steve and I were a little stuck as to where to buy her "special" outfits. We drifted in and out of Children's Place, Gap Kids, and Justice through her 8s, 9s, and 10s, but now, at almost 11, our daughter's taste is changing. She is closer to being a teenager than she is to being a little kid. I don't want her to rush her childhood. I don't want her dressing like a 16 yr-old when she's only 11. I also want her to have some freedom to choose her own style. Aeropostale is the perfect compromise. Aeropostale is trendy, hip, and they put their logo on everything so she looks cool to her peers. Abercrombie and Hollister are clearly out right now: they are too dark, the music is booming, the perfume is cloying, the unisex-extremely-dark dressing rooms are a little too suggestive for my taste, and the salesguys/girls that routinely stand just inside the doorway with (for the guys) their shirts completely unbuttoned or OFF and (for the girls) their 3 layers of button down shirts unbuttoned just 2 buttons too many and worn clearly without a bra -- well again, I'm not sure what they're selling, but I know I don't want my almost-11-year-old buying it. Thanks for turning up the lights and turning down the music Aeropostale, you earned yourself Grace status.

Grace #32 A wood burning fireplace
For the past decade I have lived the good life: I pushed a button on a remote control and like magic a beautiful fire appeared before me. No fuss. No dirty logs. No smoke. No matches. I didn't see a downside until we moved here and with our first properly-drawing-chimney I see what I was missing with gas: No sound. No connection. No woodsy-smell when you walk outside. Steve described it perfectly when he compared watching a gas fire to watching a football game on TV and watching a wood fire to being at the game. It's the connection. With our sealed-gas fireplaces we watched through a window. We were removed from the process of starting the fire. We were removed from the process of watching something burn. There is something buried deep within my DNA that just loves a real fire. Dirty logs, yep we have 'em being delivered on Tuesday. Bugs? Quite possible. Smoke, oh yeah, I'm not claiming to be "green" on this Grace. Still a Grace? Yeah, it is.

Grace #33 Snow
I am a little scared to drive in it. I am usually poorly dressed for walking in it. I don't always like the accompanying cold and I despise shoveling it. Yet I love snow. Snow is falling right now as I type and how can you ever have a Christmas in New England without snow? I hope it keeps on falling right through the holidays. Our mountains look beautiful, the trees are glistening, the Christmas lights look magical and our daughter is having the time of her life sledding down our backyard. I will probably be singing a different tune in January (perhaps I'll be "balking" a bit?) but for right now I'm in the spirit and I say Let it Snow!

Grace #34 It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
I am not cool so any reference to pop culture in my blog is always coincidental, probably not timely, and certain to have at least one error in it. With that being said, I have been harboring a private love for the show It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia for years. The show is politically incorrect, the characters are even more shallow and neurotic than my favorites in Seinfeld, and the dialogue is liberally peppered with profanity and downright hilarious slang. It's one of the few shows on which Steve and I can agree and watch together so it's a marriage bonding experience every Friday night (the show is on Thursday but it's on late so we TiVo), and the show never fails to entertain. Warning label: you need a sick sense of humor and virtually no political correctness to fully appreciate this show. Something that makes me laugh every week with my husband, now that's a Grace.

Grace #35 Such a Pretty Fat
Jen Lancaster's book Such a Pretty Fat was the most fun read I've had in a year. The book arrived one day in a box of books sent to me by my devoted reading friend Deb (you remember Deb, made me do this blog?). I shouldn't have started the book when I did because I was supposed to be cleaning/preparing the house for a big dinner party I was hosting in 2 days, but it was on top in the box, the title immediately intrigued me, and once I started it I couldn't stop reading and I couldn't stop laughing. I kept making deals with myself: if I go to the 3 grocery stores necessary to buy all the supplies for the party I can read for 2 hours. If I do Jen justice and work out for 2 hours this morning I can read for 1 hour this afternoon. If I survive cooking for 10 people with my limited culinary skills, I can read 'til I finish the book.

The deals paid off, the party shopping was accomplished. I worked out on schedule. I survived the party. I finished the book. Jen shamelessly promotes her other 2 books (Bitter is the New Black and Bright Lights, Big Ass) throughout the footnotes of Such a Pretty Fat and so I of course feel it necessary to reward that behavior by going out and buying those books and her latest Pretty in Plaid (hey, at least I won't need to buy the chai latte!) because I want Jen to keep on writing. Don't have her books? Visit her blog at http://www.jennsylvania.com/ or your nearest bookseller and maybe even treat yourself to the chai latte, yes?

Be prepared to laugh until your abs hurt (which tones them!), a definite Grace.

Grace #36 Brie en Croute
It's hard to believe that a vegan who is allergic to dairy can wax poetic about an appetizer featuring brie, but I am a diverse blogger and besides since when have I truly "waxed poetic" about anything? Let us return to this "big dinner party" about which I have been hinting in several past Graces. Steve thought it would be nice to invite his 4 direct reports and their spouses to our home for a casual holiday party. I thought it would be nice too, until I realized that it was me that was expected to cook said dinner for said party. My culinary skills are somewhat limited, shall we say? Anyway, commence with invitations he did, so commence with decorating, angsting, cleaning, angsting, shopping, angsting, menu-creating, angsting, and cooking I did.

The menu I created was really a menu Deb created for me and I was going to present as my own and that was the menu I was sticking to until 3 days before the party when Steve casually mentioned that half the invitees were vegetarian. Armed with this new information I decided pork loin was out and fire roasted vegetable ravioli was in. I threw in a hodge-podge of appetizers, salad, and bread and called it dinner. Once again Deb was forced to wrestle my menu down to manageable (read: palatable) selections, and I was set. Amidst all this menu-wrestling my neighbor happened to mention that she makes a fantastic brie appetizer whose name I couldn't remember but she'd make it for me and deliver it on said night of party. Score!

Day before party: I go shop at BJs for said fire roasted vegetable raviolis. Uh-oh. They don't have them. I don't panic, remember how diverse I said I am?, I simply buy the butternut squash raviolis instead (and all of you stop being aghast that I am buying frozen ravioli in bulk for my main entree). I was planning on a simple red sauce but now with the butternut squash in stead of the fire roasted veggies I am thinking cream sauce. But what if people don't like cream sauce or aren't expecting a cream sauce knowing that I will break out in hives and probably soil myself should I consume the cream sauce? What about pesto? Does pesto go with butternut squash? Oh screw it, I buy all 3. Deb kept saying "keep it simple and classy" which sounded great on the phone the week before but wasn't translating well while I'm panic shopping at a warehouse club. I buy an olive tapenade. I buy a bag of holiday M&Ms. I buy a bag of Hershey's miniatures. I buy meatballs. I buy 10 whole cloves of garlic to roast. I buy spinach, cranberries, walnuts, mixed nuts, enough carrots and celery to feed the state of Massachusetts. I buy bagel chips, Wheat Thins, Sociables. I buy cream cheese, cranberry-orange chutney, Tuscan simmer sauce, olives, and cheese. Steve and I go out that night and buy enough alcohol to create 8 different martinis (our house signature drink, we decide), apertifs before dinner, and Irish coffee after.

Day of Party: I go to an Italian bakery and pick up the assorted pastries tray I have ordered for dessert. I get my face waxed. I work out at the gym. I come home. I panic. I clean. I panic. I arrange veggie trays, fruit bowls, cheese and olive trays, olive tapenades, chunks of bread, blocks of cream cheese smothered in cranberry-orange chutney. I liberally sprinkle the house with bowls of nuts, pretzels, M&Ms, and Hershey miniatures. I fill vases with cranberries and insert votive candles. I set the table complete with gold charger plates and the Pottery Barn reindeer napkin rings. The decorating has calmed me until I realize don't have enough wine glasses. I panic. I also realize I never started the Italian bread in the bread machine and now there isn't enough time. I call neighbor for wine glasses. I call Steve to pick up bread on the way home. I panic. I shower. I put on planned-for beautiful white blouse. I try to button blouse. Somehow my fat has re-distributed itself and now I am Chesty Laroue. Blouse won't button. I panic. I'm sweating. No Tom's of Maine natural deodorant for me today folks, I need Secret Platinum. I try on beautiful plum colored wrap shirt. My cleavage explodes out the top. I settle for plain green sweater and wear my apron over top (you know, the one with the big center pocket) trying to look more festive, or at least like I'm cooking instead of just re-heating. I use enough shimmer eye shadow to blind the unsuspecting and I go downstairs. People begin to arrive. No brie en croute yet. No wine glasses. I force everyone to go on a tour of my house. I reward them with alcohol and urge them to consume my 14 appetizers. People smile. People drink. People talk. They shuffle. No one looks comfortable. No one eats! Brie en croute arrives. Its arrival creates a little buzz but still no one eats. I eat. I have nervously consumed 2 glasses of wine and 1500 carrots. I am buzzing and slightly orange. No one eats. Finally I start proclaiming about how good this appetizer is and how glad I am that my neighbor made the Brie en croute and I cut it open. The brie oozes beautifully, the sugared cranberries glisten, pastry is flaky, the almonds flow out tantalizingly. I take a big scoop. Another guest, watching my over-the-top-blissful performance does the same. He raves. Then his wife takes a bite. She raves. Finally, after an hour and a half, my guests are eating! After they begin to eat the party begins to flow. The alcohol consumption is doubled, the laughter begins, the shuffling ceases and we have a great party. A great party, all because of Brie en Croute. See why it's a Grace?

Okay, 36 Graces. Not 49, like I should have to be perfect, but when have I been perfect? A good showing. Enough to illustrate that my life is full: full of laughter, love, mishaps, embarrassing moments, and frustrations. And I am Grateful.

The Perfect Marriage

If you've been reading this blog you know that Steve and I have the perfect marriage: we laugh a lot, we fight a lot, we have very little in common, and we love each other a lot. When we attended a wedding back in August we received a rare and wonderful compliment: the DJ asked all the married couples to come to the dance floor and asked us how long we have been married. When he got to Steve and I and we answered "18 years" the woman next to us gasped and said to her husband of 38 years, "I would have sworn they were newlyweds! Look Ed, look how in love they are!"

It's quite possibly the nicest thing anyone has ever said about us as a couple.

So recently as we stood in the kitchen arguing over my choice of song on MY iPod I wondered what makes us work.

"It's the most wonderful, romantic song in the world! I love this song!"

"Turn it off, that song is stupid, even our 10 year old doesn't have that song on her playlist!" "It's my iPod, I can have whatever I want on it!"

"Great, then don't play it through the speakers. Use your earbuds."

He turned it off. He turned on the football game. I turned on the mixer. And the blender. He took 3 days to confirm me as a friend on Facebook. It took me a whole day before I mentioned I had taken a teaching job without consulting him. He buys his own Christmas presents in October. And November. And December. I spend $6 on butter because it's organic. He likes music where the girls are slutty and the guys are confused. I like a sitcom that hasn't made a new episode since 1995. He said that last night's dinner smelled like dirty sweat socks and looked like dog food. (He was kind of right about that one...) I make fun of his haircuts even when I like them.

And yet, when I hear that song, my favorite-most-romantic-song-in-the-world song, I only think of Steve. This song is sung with such feeling, such depth, such beautiful orchestry I feel warm inside just thinking about it. Steve's romantic song choice: Smooth Up In Ya by the Bullet Boys.

My choice: Kiss the Girl from the Little Mermaid soundtrack, sung by Sebastian the Crab.

Kudos to you, Arbella!

In the interest of full disclosure and giving kudos to those who deserve them I want to report today's conversation with Arbella Insurance.

After discovering my blog entry, Lynn from Arbella called me. The fact that Arbella was interested enough in resolving a customer service issue to research who I am and then call really impressed me. They put their money where their mouth is, so to speak. Lynn was calling simply to apologize. She didn't discount my bill or refund me any money she simply apologized. I am completely satisfied with that. Arbella doesn't need to bribe me to do what's right: pay my bill on time, accurately report our interactions on my blog -- all they needed to do was to accept responsibility and apologize.

Kudos to you, Arbella! Well done on the customer service. I feel confident that should I (God forbid!) ever have a claim that I will receive top rate service.

And if not, well, I always have Lynn's number and a blog!

My favorite time of the day

A couple of days ago my daughter asked me "Mom, what's your favorite time of the day?" I gave her an answer, a simple answer because I knew she didn't want a dissertation on the subject, but the question got me to thinking: what is my favorite time of the day? The answers are many:

After the alarm goes off and Steve has gone out to run but I get to lie awake, warm and comfy, and think my morning thoughts uniterrupted.

When I first wake my daughter for school and her face is still so like a baby's in sleep and she smells of warmth, innocence, and sleep.

After I've dropped my daughter off to school and I get back home with my whole day spread before me and usually some quality phone time with Debbie and/or Chellie coming soon.

After I've worked out and I'm just about to step into a warm shower. I'm pleasantly tired yet energized, sweaty yet about to be clean.

When I pick my daughter up from school and she is bubbling over with what happened in her day, the injustices inflicted upon a fifth grader: rumors, hard tests, unreasonable teachers, and yucky cafeteria food.

When we first sit down to dinner and Steve is bubbling over about his day and the injustices inflicted upon a 40 yr old: rumors, hard problems, unreasonable co-workers, and bad coffee.

After my daughter has gone to bed and Steve and I sit down on the couch together to read, watch TV, or even occasionally talk!

When I first get in bed each night to read. My teeth are brushed, my face is washed, my pajamas are comfy, my bed is warm, and a good book is waiting. I am tired and almost ready for sleep but not quite.

As I look back on all my favorite times I am humbled by how truly blessed my life is.

And one more favorite time: as I sit down at my computer, a blank composition box in front of me, to express all the triumphs and injustices inflicted upon a human being each day...

I've survived another October

October has typically been a month signifying big life changes for me. When I was 12 I had my first period in October. Steve and I got engaged in October. We moved into our house in Cinci in October. My daughter weaned from breastfeeding in October. Steve lost his job in Cinci in October. I was diagnosed with a brain tumor in October. We met our good friends here in Massachusetts in October. I quit my kindergarten "temp" job in October.

So I suppose it's not really hard to understand why I greet each October with a mixture of fear and excitement. Fear for what might happen. Excitement because life is exciting, you never know what's on the next page, but every single event large or small has put me where I am today and where I am is pretty darn good. I've never known in advance what the big life change will be but I have a pretty good idea in which month it will take place. Some would say it's all coincidence and that I could make a pretty good case for almost every month signifying big changes if I really sat down and listed all my life's events, and they would probably be right, but for some reason it's always October that seems to stick out in my mind.

We have a cluster of birthdays for family and friends (a total of 11!) in March and I've heard other people tell similar stories of such clusters of birthdays, anniversaries, or big life events. Perhaps we are drawn to people who are walking similar paths to ours.

I also have an affinity for June: my birth month, graduations month, month I started my "career" job that I kept for 9 years, our daughter's conception month, month we closed on our new house in Massachusetts. Still, it's October that plagues me. I tend to be more anxious in October. My usually-dormant-but-always-present hypochondria is more active in October (of course the fact that the entire month has been co-opted by pink ribbons probably doesn't help). Problems that I handle with ease in August seem monumental in October. I always greet the beginning of November with a sense of relief: I did it! I survived October!

I don't understand Numerology very well but I know that October distills to the number '1' and '1' signifies individuality, new beginnings, positivity, and leadership. I don't know exactly what a "chart" is as used by numerologists, but I would like to imagine that some or all of those qualities would appear in mine. Every event that ever occurred in my life in October ended up being a positive new beginning -- even if it didn't seem so at the time.

Oh yeah, and speaking of positive new beginnings, I started blogging one year ago in, of course, October. Happy Birthday Eye of the Beholder.

Grace #22 Princess the Cat

I am not a cat person. Don't get me wrong, I always liked our cat, but I would not have considered myself a cat person because I'm allergic to cats, I don't like hair on my furniture or clothes, I despise emptying a litter box, and I think cat food stinks. Our cat Princess came to live with us four years ago as a kitten. Steve and our then-6-yr-old-daughter went to a shelter and rescued her. My requirements for the cat were that they pick a litter trained, short haired, female. I didn't have any breed preference. I didn't have any color preference. I didn't even go with them to pick her out. Our daughter instantly fell in love with Princess, even though the cat bites if you try to pet her, runs if you try to hold her, and basically ignores us except when it's feeding time. Did I mention that I'm not a cat person?

Correction: wasn't a cat person.

During the move we had an almost tragedy: Princess went missing! We had put her in a storage room so she wouldn't get scared or run outside while the movers were going in and out of the house. Then we made the poor decision to let the movers put some boxes in the storage room figuring that Princess would hide and they wouldn't even see her. Then the movers left. A few hours passed. Where was Princess? We looked everywhere inside, everywhere outside, called her name, rattled her food dish.

Still no Princess.

A day went by. A day and a half. I'll admit, I lost faith. I thought she was living in the woods behind our house and either having a great time or scared or worse. I found myself incredibly sad at the prospect of not seeing her again. Her presence in my life had quietly become a constant, a feeling of all being right in the world. Somehow, in the past four years I had to come love the cat that I couldn't pet without getting hives. The cat whose litter box I bemoaned emptying each day. The cat whose food smells "icky." The cat whose fate I now worried about, cried about, and for whom I found myself constantly looking all throughout the day. I loved our new house but I couldn't fully enjoy it because it felt like gaining the house had come with a terrible loss. The whole family was in mourning.

Then I heard a faint meow. Steve and I quickly looked all around the backyard. We called. We searched. We rattled the food dish. No Princess. I figured I was now hearing phantom meows because I was missing the cat so much and so feeling more than a little foolish I decided to check the storage room once again.

Out strolled Princess! She had been in the storage room the entire time. She had gone into deep hiding, just as all her little cat instincts had told her to do. She was back! My world was set to rights once more. My family was complete.

Don't ask me how this small bundle of shedding fur who rarely gives me the time of day and makes my eyes water and my skin itch when she does touch me became a source of joy in my life, I just know that she did. Her presence makes me feel happy. Makes our house a home. She is with us where she belongs and I am grateful.

Grace #21 Our New Home

It's quiet right now. In just another hour our little rental home will be descended upon by a team of professionals: people trained in the art of packing a truck like a 3 dimensional puzzle, driving that puzzle carefully down the road, and unpacking it in record time. Their tools of the trade are heavy blankets, furniture dollies, fantastic spatial awareness, and strong backs.

Today is moving day.

Like many new homeowners I have composed, edited, thrown out, and recreated list upon list of all the things I need for my new home. I have taken into account our current possessions, lifestyle, goals for the new house, neighborhood, and checking account. Thousands of things were evaluated, considered, and rejected. I have narrowed it down to the 5 most important things I must have for my new home:

1. Love. We must fill this house with love just as our boxes are filled with packing peanuts. If it's love that takes up all the extra space we won't have to worry about anything getting broken.

2. Peace. Wrapping peace around our lives will act just like those heavy-duty furniture blankets: it will soften all the blows, cushion the times we rub each other the wrong way, and keep our souls from getting knicked.

3. Health. Our boxes are made of triple-layer corrugated cardboard. They have packing suggestions, weight limits, and are meant to be used again and again. This really sounds a lot like my own body. I took really good care of those boxes I purchased when we moved from Toledo. I kept them dry, flat, and away from insects. I didn't let any harmful substances leak into them that would compromise their structure. Every one of those boxes served me well for this move. If I went to all that trouble for a box it seems only right that I could do at least as much for my/my family's health.

4. Faith. Sometimes when a really heavy load or multiple small loads are being carried a hand truck or furniture dolly is used. It makes maneuvering all that weight manageable. It doesn't look like that relatively small tool can move that gigantic sofa ... but it can. Faith is just like that for me: I am always amazed at what a little faith, used properly, can do. It can mend relationships, heal brain tumors, make cross-country moves work out okay, and ease a worried mind. A home filled with faith is automatically filled with hope, dreams, and miracles.

5. Gratitude. Miles and miles of tape went into making, securing, and binding our boxes. I think Gratitude is like that tape: it binds all of our good intentions, positive feelings, and productive emotions into a nice secure structure. We can remove the Gratitude, re-position it as necessary, and it will still stick us together.

I intend to fill my new home with all of these necessities. If you're surprised that I didn't mention new bedding, furniture, lighting, and decorative accessories well don't worry, I'll be sure to add all of those things as well. It's just that for right now. In the quiet. I am able to listen and hear what's really important.

And I am Grateful.

Grace #19 TiVo and Grace #20 Netflix

I admit it, I am a product of technology. I love my laptop, my cell phone, the internet (all previous Graces you may recall), and now I am here to wax poetic first about TiVo and then about its companion Netflix.

Prior to TiVo I had to watch commercials. I had to watch whatever was on at the network's convenience, rather than my convenience. I had to remember channels and schedules. I had to be aware of when new shows were starting. If I missed an episode of my favorite show then I had to wait several years for the show to go into syndication before I could see the episode I'd missed. I actually planned my daughter's activities to ensure that she could take some "down time" while watching The Berenstain Bears or Clifford the Big Red Dog. If we weren't home between 3-3:30 in the afternoon our only other option was to put in a DVD.

I was living in the dark ages, I tell you!

Now I have none of those concerns. I am blissfully unaware of what networks carry what shows. They can change their schedules weekly and it doesn't affect me. I don't have to watch reruns or commercials.

I initially resisted TiVo coming into our home. I was afraid that having it would make TV more important in our lives. I was completely wrong: the TV became dramatically less important. Knowing that our favorite shows would be available whenever we wanted to watch them enabled us to forget about the TV and do other things. And now that TiVo can stream Netflix movies directly to our TV...well my friends, it nearly brings a tear to my eye.

Netflix is the greatest invention since sliced bread. When I was at home for a day icing my foot, I watched Wedding Crashers. When I was home all week with my sick daughter we watched Beethoven and Air Bud. When Steve and I feel like watching TV and learning something we watch a documentary. Comedies, dramas, children's programming, documentaries, and musicals old and new - Netflix has them all and can stream them instantly and in (almost) perfect format directly to my home.

Hard to believe all this entertainment, freedom, technology, and convenience costs only $9.95 a month isn't it?

Life is good.

Grace #18 Organic Mineral Makeup

There is so much discussion these days about toxins: toxins in our water bottles, our food, our clothing, our furniture, our air, our homes, and our personal care products that it is overwhelming to me sometimes. Especially with a propensity toward hypochondria, I have to remind myself that I do what I can, do the best I can to reduce my exposure, and that is all anyone can do.

So I have stainless steel water bottles, and I buy organic food when I can, and I open the windows in my car and home and I feel virtuous, a little safer, and a lot more in control of my exposure to toxins.

But most importantly, I have changed my personal care products. You know, the stuff you rub into your skin everyday: the lotions, deodorants, moisturizers, foundations, powders, and lip balms and lipsticks. The stuff that goes directly into the bloodstream through the skin, into the lymph nodes on my neck and underarms, into my mouth via my lips.

It was all toxic.

I was so surprised when I first read and understood the ingredients used in these products. I just assumed that someone had checked the safety of these products and that someone had deemed them safe because of course no one would market, produce, and distribute a product that was harmful, right? (Yes, my naivete knows no bounds, it's like I'd never heard of a cigarette, isn't it?) When I first learned of the toxic chemicals in my makeup it was a no-win situation because more natural options were not available or not available in my price range: should I not wear any makeup, which, with my skin wasn't really an option; or use the toxic stuff knowing what I was rubbing into my skin. I couldn't decide if my vanity would win out against my health concerns and it was a moral dilemma every morning. I spent several years using less makeup, or not using any foundation if it was a particularly good skin day, but I never felt good about my decisions either way.

Then, one day while browsing through Costco, a beam of fluorescent light shown down upon a new product: Physician's Formula Organic Mineral Makeup. I could even hear the faint sound of angels' trumpets over the Muzak as I picked up the product, read the ingredients, and purchased this little miracle of science and nature. It was a good day my friends, a good day.

Now my skin is glowing with good health (and mineral sheen), my conscience is clear, and my bank account is happy.

Mineral makeup: it's a good thing.

(For more information about toxins and potential toxins in your makeup go to http://www.cosmeticsinfo.org/)

Grace #17 Seinfeld

I've never argued the fact that I am stuck in the late '80s/early '90s when it comes to television. I still love Seinfeld. Sure, the earlier episodes, before they found their rhythm, aren't nearly as funny as the later stuff, but I love it all anyway. I am not an aficionado. I will never win any Seinfeld Trivia Contests, nor will I ever write a fan letter. I am not that kind of fan. I am the kind of fan who, at 10:30 at night, after a really bad day, will sit down to 22 minutes (after fast-forwarding through all the commercials) of a show about nothing and will feel all of the stresses of the day start to dissolve.

I can relate all sorts of Seinfeld-ish dilemmas to my own life and they always make me smile:

Steve is Sponge-worthy.

For all race-related issues I "look to the cookie."

I frequently yada-yada the details.

My daughter is a sidler.

My dad is a close-talker.

My mom is a low-talker.

Steve buys lunch most days from a Greek version of the 'Soup Nazi'.

I was sad when the show went off the air. Life was just a little less funny for me after that. For awhile I was able to placate myself with the higher-brow humor of Boston Legal, but even that is taken from me now.

Having a sick sense of humor and very little moral conscience, I laughed uproariously at It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and am hoping for new episodes in the fall. I know that as old shows go, new shows come and replace them. I miss the old, but I'm all right.

You might even say that I'm Even Steven.

Grace #15 Patience & Grace #16 Faith

I decided that before I went any further into my Graces I was going to look up the definition for Grace, just to see how Grace is defined.

Grace: (n) unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification. Wow! I had never heard Grace defined quite that way before! Merriam-Webster's first definition is something upon which I will have to ponder, especially the 'unmerited divine assistance' part. Actually though, when I think about it, I guess I always thought of Grace this way. Recently I was leading the Junior Great Books program for 4th graders at my daughter's school. One of the vocabulary words we had was 'sufficient.' I asked the kids if they knew the definition and after many false starts (they were confusing the word 'efficient') we finally settled on the word 'enough.' I asked if anyone could use sufficient in a sentence and my very-own-flesh-and-blood-aren't-I-just-the-proudest-mama-right-now daughter said "God gave us sufficient oxygen, plants, and animals for us to live and grow up." Some people just get it, don't they? All of the oxygen, plants, and animals are unmerited assistance. The amazing friends in my life, they are certainly unmerited assistance. I didn't do anything amazing to earn these friends, this husband, my life... it's all just a Gift.

Now, on to Patience and Faith: I don't know if technically I can claim as Graces these virtues that I am striving to obtain, rather than blessed with in abundance, but I am grateful for them anyway.



Patience: (n) the will or ability to wait or endure without complaint. As I see it, patience should rightly claim its place among the verbs because it is the act of being patient which is most important. The will to be patient, well, let's face it, the will can wax and wane. I get excited about stuff. I throw my whole entire mind, body, and soul into a project and while I am entirely willing to do all the prep work to ensure a successful conclusion, I want that conclusion sooner, not later. I am impatient.

Faith: (n) firm belief for something for which there is no proof. Well if I use this definition then I have absolutely no faith at all because I have received abundant proof that Someone or Something is looking out for my best interest at all times. I have received so much proof, yet I doubt. Perhaps what I suffer from is not a lack of faith but renuo ut recipero testimonium - a refusal to accept the proof.

Perhaps the real Grace is in having the Patience to wait for all the unmerited Divine Assistance to be provided, and the Faith to accept it when it comes.

Grace #14 Our Adopted Families

I have heard various versions of an expression that goes something like "Sisters are the friends you're born with but friends are the sisters you find along the way." I like expressions like that because they link me to like-minded individuals who have experienced that sometimes, regardless of how much you may want things to be different, your family members may not be your best friends.

My relationship with my family members is distant: geography, age differences, and personality differences have taken their tolls over the years and left me with a slightly nostalgic, benign, and comfortable relationship, but not a close one.

I am, however, blessed with adopted families. Entire families with whom I have connected, Steve has connected (enough) and with whom our daughter feels a cousin-ship. Not having a lot of blood-relation cousins, these adopted cousins are invaluable to us.

It seems I have picked up an adopted family in each city/state in which I have lived. Not unlike people who collect a treasured souvenir of their travels, my adopted families serve to help ground me with the past, nourish me in the present and shepherd me into my future.

You know who you are. I know who you are. And you are all Graces.

Grace #13 The Internet

I don't care whether the internet was created by Al Gore or an MIT thinktank, I think it is the greatest invention of my lifetime. I use the internet daily to find out everything from ways to use baking soda to finding a home. I know there are many issues with internet safety, and as my 10-yr-old gets more adventurous online these things loom larger on my horizon, but I think that used properly, the advantages of the internet far outweigh the disadvantages.

I have recently joined Facebook. I initially joined because a friend in Cincinnati asked me to join so we could catch up on each other's lives without having to schedule phone calls. I don't do very much on Facebook, but I really like the idea that I can find people, if I choose to do so. Friends, distant relatives, estranged family members, old classmates, they're all out there waiting to be found, reconnected with, and remembered.

And the information available on every subject and from every source! Medical problems, recipes, household tips, decorating ideas, online purchasing, and a billion other things: all at the touch of my fingertips whilst I sit comfortably in the privacy of my own home.

Does life get any better than this?

Happy Mother's Day!

I have been blessed with so many wonderful mothers in my life: my own mother, my mother-in-law, my stepmother, my grandmother, my grandmother-in-law, and all of my friends who are mothers. I have been loved, influenced, cared for, nourished, nurtured, and rescued by all of these women. I live for my husband. I live because of my mothers.

Happy Mother's Day.

We Bought A House!!!

You may remember this little gem, it was one of the contenders, then became a finalist, and as of June 30 will be called home. Home, what a wonderful word. We began the search back in mid-January and I can honestly say I have looked at hundreds of homes, if only online. We began searching a very narrow area in Massachusetts, then ventured out into New Hampshire, and finally narrowed in again. The new house is 5 minutes from our daughter's school, 10 minutes from Steve's office, 5 minutes from my favorite grocery store, and 3 minutes from Barnes&Noble (which for a book lover, was a huge consideration!). I can walk to the library and post office. We have neighbors, there are plenty of kids, and the view is amazing.

From a feng shui point of view you are always supposed to face the south and have a mountain at your back. This house has both. It is open, airy, and filled with natural light. It is my dream home and I feel incredibly lucky to have found such a house and incredibly grateful to be able to afford it. Just out of curiosity I ran the address through a numerology "calculator" and the address equals a '4' which means strength, solidity, and comfort. I need some solidity in my life. I am ready to settle down. We could all just use some time to be settled. I am grateful for the time I have had to search for the right home, but I am definitely not a long-term-renter. I need the responsibility of a home of my own. I need the grounding, maybe because I am a Gemini, an air sign, I am drawn toward bricks and mortar, wood and earth: solid substances to provide some balance to my air-filled nature (air-headed as my family would say).

Be it ever so humble, it will be my home.

Grace #12 Psyllium husk

At the risk of giving way too much information about my lower intestinal tract, I have to recognize psyllium husk as a perfect solution for those of us who need to keep things moving. I put a scoop in my smoothie every morning, try to remember to drink plenty of water, and everything in my body works like clockwork. Gentler than wheat germ, completely natural, and relatively inexpensive, psyllium husk has no noticeable flavor and doesn't bulk up the smoothie like other fiber supplements can do.

I had to wait months for a supply of psyllium husk because my regular grocery store does not carry it and a trip to Whole Foods is an hour-and-a-half-round-trip endeavor. I tried other fiber supplements but just didn't like them as much.

Crazy the things for which we become grateful, eh?

Grace #11 The Ocean

I have been landlocked my entire life. I have never before lived on a coast, near a coast, or even near a river, lake (I don't count Lake Erie in Toledo as I never actually saw the lake, and I didn't live near it), stream, pond, or birdbath! I was truly a landlubber. Until now...now I live in a coastal state! Now I can casually say to Steve "hey, want to go to the beach today?" and he can casually reply "yeah, it's only 1:30, let's go!"

What a Grace! All 3 of us love the ocean. My daughter is especially enamored of the water and was seen yesterday, which was an unseasonably warm 80 degrees, in the Atlantic up to her knees. Even though the air was warm, the water was still quite brisk and her feet were completely numb, but she couldn't stop smiling. We searched for shells, sea glass, and other washed up treasures. We found 2 lighthouses. We climbed on the rocks, played in the sand, and looked out toward France. We ate an amazing dinner at a little restaurant in Salem whilst sitting on their rooftop deck, drinking martinis, and watching the sun set over the Atlantic.

It was pure bliss.

I am more thankful for this gift-from-God-unseasonably-warm-and-sunny April day than I have been for anything for a long time. I needed this day. Amidst all the house hunting, moving expenses, tax forms, 4th grade drama, 39-yr-old drama, and self pity I had forgotten about the big picture. Yesterday, standing on the edge of the United States, that picture snapped back into focus. I felt purely, truly, and remarkably happy. At peace.

Content.

Grace #10: Baseball caps

This is how my hair actually looks. It's not horrible, but very short.

This is how I wanted my hair to look. I wouldn't mind my face looking like hers, but I thought I should start with the more easily attainable hair style.

Yep, you guessed it, another BAD haircut. I thought I came fully prepared for this haircut: I went to HGTV's website and searched for the host of Desperate Spaces, Lise Simms whose hair is so incredibly adorable I knew I had to copy it. Unfortunately, the only picture I could find was a headshot and I wanted to make sure I could show my stylist how the back should look SO I patiently waited for TiVO to record an episode of Desperate Spaces. I had my camera all charged and ready, the TV positioned perfectly for lighting and my printer loaded with photo paper to print out the photo. I painstakingly forwarded to shots of Lise Simms, paused the show, took the picture, waited for her to turn her head, paused the show, etc. You get the idea. I put some time into this endeavor. I wanted the stylist to be able to duplicate the hairstyle exactly.

Fast forward to now. I brought in the picture. The stylist said no problem. she cut. She blew dry. I looked in the mirror. Sigh. Clearly the pictures show that something went terribly wrong!

So now when I drop my daughter off at school and I haven't showered yet my hair sticks out like Annie Lennox on a really bad day. I have tried to wet it down. I have tried gel. I have failed. BUT, wearing a ball cap works wonders and so I am very very thankful that they were invented, that I have one in pink that looks cute, and that hair grows.

As for my stylist, she will not be nominated for a Grace, that's for sure!