This blog chronicles my life as I try to balance healthy lifestyle habits with my husband's penchant for pizza rolls and my daughter's desire to watch iCarly 8 hours a day. It contains a mostly humorous, kind, and somewhat spiritual look at everyday life and the people who live it.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

...And that's why I need more toilet paper.

So late last week I had this great idea:  I will turn the remaining 3 months before my 40th birthday into a boot camp of sorts and sculpt my body so that when I turn 40 I will be ripped, cut, and amazing.  I couldn't help it, I was hyped-up by the return of Biggest Loser after the long Winter Olympics hiatus, I'd had a little too much enjoyment from my peanut butter cookie Larabar, and I had recently seen a picture of 42-year-old Halle Berry in her underwear.  Inspiring, to say the least.   Never to be one to do things by halves, I jumped into my new routine.  I made sure my breakfast smoothie was pristine: no cheating by using orange juice for extra flavor because it also adds calories.  My lunchtime veggie intake was a thing of beauty: no dip, a small handful of almonds or walnuts for protein, perhaps some fresh-squeezed lemon juice for some zip.  Snack time I had a Larabar.  Dinner was awash with whole grains, fresh veggies, and simple proteins.   I was working out with a new fervor: 30 minutes on the elliptical, an hour of weigh training, an hour-long cardio class.  Each day I had breakfast, take daughter to school, workout, home, shower, lunch, take a walk, yoga, pick up daughter,  snack, housework, cook dinner, read, bed.  Get up and do it again all over the next day.  Earlier this week I was so sore I was sure my chest pains were a heart attack.  By Wednesday I was sure I had a sinus infection (and still possibly a heart attack).   By Thursday I was so sick I was willing to consider going to Dr. Breast Exam to get antibiotics.  By Friday I was so sick I was only well enough to yell at Steve, but too sick to go to the doctor.

Perhaps working out about 5 hours a day and consuming barely a thousand calories while still not fully recovered from my cold wasn't my best plan. 

Still, congested as I was, I didn't rate breathing high enough to go to Dr. Breast Exam for a prescription so I decided to cure myself with probiotics and extra psyllium husk in my smoothie.  Look to the colon folks!  Whatever ails you, look to the colon.

I'm still congested.  I still have a headache. My nose is still raw from blowing it. 

But By God my colon is clean.

And that's why I need more toilet paper.


Anonymous said...

now that is funny. Welcome to the 40's world....soon it sounds like? Enjoy the rest of your weekend. Sinus flush.....ever tried one???

Beth said...

What is a sinus flush? Obviously I could really use one!

I'll be 40 in less than 90 days!

deb said...

Always love a good colon story...

Beth said...

Deb, who doesn't love a good colon story? People who say they don't are in denial. Let's face it: colons are fascinating!

Karen@StrictlySimpleStyle said...

LOL! Let's blame it on Halle Barry.