This blog chronicles my life as I try to balance healthy lifestyle habits with my husband's penchant for pizza rolls and my daughter's desire to watch iCarly 8 hours a day. It contains a mostly humorous, kind, and somewhat spiritual look at everyday life and the people who live it.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

...And that's why I need more toilet paper.

So late last week I had this great idea:  I will turn the remaining 3 months before my 40th birthday into a boot camp of sorts and sculpt my body so that when I turn 40 I will be ripped, cut, and amazing.  I couldn't help it, I was hyped-up by the return of Biggest Loser after the long Winter Olympics hiatus, I'd had a little too much enjoyment from my peanut butter cookie Larabar, and I had recently seen a picture of 42-year-old Halle Berry in her underwear.  Inspiring, to say the least.   Never to be one to do things by halves, I jumped into my new routine.  I made sure my breakfast smoothie was pristine: no cheating by using orange juice for extra flavor because it also adds calories.  My lunchtime veggie intake was a thing of beauty: no dip, a small handful of almonds or walnuts for protein, perhaps some fresh-squeezed lemon juice for some zip.  Snack time I had a Larabar.  Dinner was awash with whole grains, fresh veggies, and simple proteins.   I was working out with a new fervor: 30 minutes on the elliptical, an hour of weigh training, an hour-long cardio class.  Each day I had breakfast, take daughter to school, workout, home, shower, lunch, take a walk, yoga, pick up daughter,  snack, housework, cook dinner, read, bed.  Get up and do it again all over the next day.  Earlier this week I was so sore I was sure my chest pains were a heart attack.  By Wednesday I was sure I had a sinus infection (and still possibly a heart attack).   By Thursday I was so sick I was willing to consider going to Dr. Breast Exam to get antibiotics.  By Friday I was so sick I was only well enough to yell at Steve, but too sick to go to the doctor.

Perhaps working out about 5 hours a day and consuming barely a thousand calories while still not fully recovered from my cold wasn't my best plan. 

Still, congested as I was, I didn't rate breathing high enough to go to Dr. Breast Exam for a prescription so I decided to cure myself with probiotics and extra psyllium husk in my smoothie.  Look to the colon folks!  Whatever ails you, look to the colon.

I'm still congested.  I still have a headache. My nose is still raw from blowing it. 

But By God my colon is clean.

And that's why I need more toilet paper.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

now that is funny. Welcome to the 40's world....soon it sounds like? Enjoy the rest of your weekend. Sinus flush.....ever tried one???

Beth said...

What is a sinus flush? Obviously I could really use one!

I'll be 40 in less than 90 days!

deb said...

Always love a good colon story...

Beth said...

Deb, who doesn't love a good colon story? People who say they don't are in denial. Let's face it: colons are fascinating!

Karen@StrictlySimpleStyle said...

LOL! Let's blame it on Halle Barry.