Is that Neosporin supposed to make you look sexy?

I have been debating the to-bikini-wax-or-not-to-bikini-wax question all winter. Finally, with my waxing appointment more than a week away and my bikini area looking a little too unkempt for my taste, I decided just to shave. I have not had a lot of shaving success stories in this area, which is why the bikini wax question became a question in the first place. I have asked friends for advice, but frankly my friends are not as hirsute as I am and really cannot understand the depth of the problem. Debbie, who to my knowledge has not bikini waxed, told me to go for the waxing. Chellie, who to my knowledge has absolutely no unsightly hairs anywhere on her body, suggested that if I shave I use Neosporin afterward to reduce the red bumps and lesions.

I shaved. I Neosporined.

I am a mass of red bumps, welts, lesions, chicken skin and stubble.

Is this really the sexy, smooth look for which I was aiming??

Now where do I go from here? Do I wait a few weeks to get the required 1/4" stubble to be able to wax? Do I try shaving again? Do I just give it all up and wear swim shorts? And it's not just about swimming: frankly I do not wish to slink into the bedroom, toss a naughty look at Steve, bare all, and have him swoon from the Bactine fumes as my Neosporined thighs glisten in the moonlight. Surely I am not forced to painful and expensive sessions with electrolysis just to keep my Eastern-European-Women's-Wrestling-Team genes at bay?

I don't know what to do. Perhaps I can train Steve to get excited when he smells Neosporin. Perhaps I can try using a man's razor with the patented lift-and-cut blades. Perhaps I can make peace with the fact that I am a hairy beast and that is how God made me.

Perhaps I can purchase skirted lingerie, wear boy shorts, buy swim shorts, and just never, ever look down again.