Stray Peeves

My little irritations never stay with me long enough to be considered “pets” but I do have a few things that bug me enough to deserve mention. In no particular order they are…

Advertising flyers. I don’t know if this form of direct marketing actually works, but I do know that those little bits of neon colored paper that are tucked beneath windshield wipers, tacked on mailboxes and rolled up and stuck in door handles are completely annoying. In addition to being unsolicited, they are constantly seen blowing around the streets on windy days and disintegrating into soggy trash on wet ones. When found tacked to utility poles they seem to rarely be reclaimed by their owners after the event is over or the business has failed. It’s legal littering.

Facial hair on women. Look, I realize that this kind of stuff can creep up on us; if left on its own, my face would soon rival that of a ZZ Top band member; so don’t forget to wax. Let’s face it: caterpillar eyebrows, mustaches, chin hair, and full side burns are distracting on men and downright horrifying on women. I recently met a woman who would be absolutely adorable were it not for eyebrows that begin at her hairline, meet in the middle, and can be swept back with the rest of her bangs. Wax on, wax off.

Scraggly nails. Another grooming habit I know, but again, this is distracting and gives the appearance of messiness, even when the individual is well groomed in every other area. I don’t personally get my nails done professionally at salons and I am not advocating that others do so. Clean, shaped nails with healthy cuticles, that’s all you need. This goes for children too as it can be appalling to hold hands with a child who has a week’s worth of dirt, food, markers, and unidentifiable stickiness on their hands.

Visible nipples. Having nursed a child for a longer-than-socially-acceptable amount of time, I am well aware of nipples that seem permanently erect and obtrusive. I don’t need to see other women’s nipples. This is the reason for the invention of the padded bra. If you look in the mirror and your chest looks like a relief map, get a new bra. Layering clothing, oversized shirts, slumped shoulders, and crossed arms are not good alternatives. Get a padded bra.

Muffin tops. As a product of the 70s and 80s when thin was in, I am appalled at how much gut many women are comfortable showing. Anything that spills over the top of your waistband should be considered contraband and subject to coverage, not display. It’s simply too nasty for words.

Men with long nails. Perhaps because the one man I knew as a child who had long nails turned out to be molesting his daughters, or because of the good job the movie Silence of the Lambs did in creeping me out, I always feel a little grossed out when I see a man with long nails. I would rather see the too-short-bitten-to-the-quick-painful-looking-nails on a man than long ones. Just a personal peeve.