Oh American Express, how you disappoint me...

Guess what I found on my AmEx bill this month?  A charge from AEPC for $89.90.  An unauthorized charge.  A charge I didn't ask for, want, or know about.  I immediately contacted American Express to let them know about this fraudulent charge.  I was concerned: was my credit card number compromised?  Who put on this charge?  American Express assured me, all is well, Beth, WE ARE THE ONES WHO PUT ON THE FRAUDULENT CHARGE!

What?

Why would AmEx be defrauding me?  I'm their customer!   Heck, I've been a huge spokesperson for how much I enjoy my card and its benefits.  So I search back statements.  I am able to go back online to May 2, 2008.  Well, well, well, isn't this interesting?  In May of 2008 AEPC for 79.90 appears.  May of 2009 AEPC for 89.90, and May 0f 2010 AEPC for 89.90.  Guess what I would probably find if I could search back to 2007, 2006, and 2005 when I first got the card? 

And now for the kicker: AmEx agreed to refund the 2010 charge, which they did on June 2, but they are deciding whether or not they want to refund the ones in 2009 and 2008!  They said it would take them about 30 days to decide whether or not they would give me back my money that they, without my permission, fraudulently took.  I can't even search back far enough online to see how much money they have really stolen and here they are deciding if they will give back the money they stole that I can prove?  Are they kidding?  Then they emailed me an online survey to rate the customer service I received.  Customer service?  I'm sorry where in the words 'customer service' do they feel that 'defrauding', 'stealing', 'lying', and 'underhanded' fit in? 

American Express I was always so proud to carry your card.  I have faithfully paid my bills, used your card whenever possible, touted its virtues, priveleges, and rewards to all who would listen, and, most of all, trusted the good reputation your name carries.  Now I find out you've been fleecing me every year for the past 3 years (probably more) and you didn't even have the courtesy to show remorse when I called you on it.

Disgusting.

Beth + Pier 1 Imports = Happy Together Again

As a result of one my customer service rants a customer service representative from Pier 1 Imports left this comment on my blog: Beth- We'd really like an opportunity to speak with you personally about your concern. Please call us at 1-800-245-4595, prompt 5 and ask for our Customer Relations Team Lead, Cindy. We would be more than happy to help!

So I called.  I asked for Cindy and told her she had commented on my blog.  Cindy apologized for my experience and told me that the sales associate made an error: it is Pier 1 Import's policy to accept an exchange receipt as an original-for-cash-back receipt.  The only receipt that is an exception is a gift receipt.  She offered to credit my credit card for the amount (I declined the offer, my daughter had already asked for the in-store credit and I had given it to her) and assured me she would call the store to ensure that all sales associates are being properly trained.

I considered this excellent customer service for three reasons:
1.  Pier 1 gave me a number and a name to contact, as opposed to generically suggesting I contact their customer service should I have a future issue.
2.  Having the name of a representative ensured that I didn't have to reiterate the whole story - she was already familiar with my complaint and was willing to work to resolve it even though she probably wasn't looking forward to my call as I'm sure she thought I would be "disgruntled"...
3.  Pier 1 offered to refund my money, they didn't just empathize, they told me a mistake had been made, offered to correct it, and assured me they would correct the training practices at the store level.

From the comments I received on that post I am not the only one who has had some bad customer service experiences.  Sometimes, in the cases of Arbella Insurance and Pier 1 they are resolved favorably, but in the posts I did about Realtors, Bob's Furniture, Children's Place, and Office Max I didn't receive any reply so I have to assume that they are okay with their poor customer service.

If you left a comment on my latest customer service rant I urge you to contact  Pier 1 and let them try to resolve your complaint.  I (obviously) have no problem naming names when companies do a bad job and it is important to me to present a balanced blog that can be trusted to be accurate, fair, and honest.  If your complaint is ignored or not resolved feel free to comment again and I'll post your comments as another customer service rant.

I will shop with confidence again at Pier 1.  I don't hold human error against a store as long as the store is willing to accept responsibility and make things right. 

How do you feel?

What do The Children's Place, Office Max, and Pier 1 Imports all have in common?

Their return policies are ridiculous, restrictive, and misleading.  That's right, I'm naming names.  In the past month I have had 4 really bad customer service experiences.  Now 4 bad experiences is a bit much in any economy, but aren't we supposed to be in a recession?  Aren't companies supposed to be desperate to receive my spending dollar?  Well, that's just the problem, once they have received your dollar they will do anything, including misleading the customer, to keep it.  I'll break this down by company and you'll see what I mean.

First the Children's Place.  Ahhhh  The Children's Place.  I went round and round with them and still came out the loser.  It all started back in December when my dad sent my daughter some beautiful Christmas gifts purchased from the Children's Place.  At 11 my daughter can be a nightmare to fit: very tall, very slender, but with a hint of puberty...basically she can no longer buy clothes at The Children's Place which is a store geared to, well, children, not teens.  My dad graciously sent me the original cash register receipt since he hadn't included a gift receipt.  The Children's Place refused to let me return the clothes.  Oh they were more than willing to let me have an in-store credit, but they wouldn't give me money back they would only credit my dad's credit card.  OOOkay...Fast forward to my daughter's birthday.  My dad, not realizing that my daughter will never again fit into The Children's Place clothing once again outfits her beautifully and includes a gift receipt.  Once again the company refuses to take back the clothes.  This is a size limited store.  This isn't Macy's where one could reasonably argue that we could find something in the store that would fit.  This is a store that carries pants that are too short for my daughter.  What am I supposed to do with an in-store credit?  I only have one child!  It wasn't my father's intention for my daughter to provide birthday gifts for her cousins, it was his intention to patron what he thought was a reputable store that would easily return for cash any items he purchased because he included a receipt.  Nope, they would not give back one cent.  The receipt you get from Children's Place does state that they will basically never ever give you money if the item is a gift so please read it carefully and my suggestion?  Never ever buy a gift at Children's Place.  Not only will the recipient never be able to return it, but if the recipient lives far away (my dad lives in Florida and Ohio) they couldn't possibly return the merchandise to you in a timely enough manner foryou to get your money back either.

Now for you Office Max: what is with your policy of not taking back software?  How could one possibly know for sure that software is going to work on your computer without loading it on the computer first?  Sure the box said it was compatible with Windows 7, but apparently the box lied.  Now you won't take it back?  It's a Read-Only CD!  I can't possibly have altered the disk!  We both know that you, as a company, can write off that software, return it to the manufacturer, or re-sell it as "opened."  Office Max won't take a financial hit, but they sure don't mind passing one on to their customers.

And finally, Pier 1 Imports, I am maddest at you!  I have been such a long, faithful customer!  I was there when the first Pier 1 opened in my little town in Ohio.  My first apartment was a veritable feast of papasan chairs, director's chairs, and colorful "ethnic" linens.  So when I wanted to freshen up my bedroom a bit with new throw pillows, to whom did I look first?  That's right, Pier 1.  First I bought some neutral camel colored pillows.  They just looked too boring so I went back the next day and picked out some gorgeous sage green pillows.  This is where the problem began: when I went to return the camel pillows the clerk asked if I would be doing anymore shopping that day at Pier 1.  I said yes.  She then said she'd hold my return until I was ready to checkout and then do everything at once.  Great!  Off I go to find more colorful pillows.  I get the sage pillows.  The clerk does whatever it is that she does and tells me I owe a few dollars, I pay, I go home.  I'm still happy.  I put the sage pillows on my bed - they look gorgeous with my bedding.  Unfortunately they look awful with my bedroom walls which are sage too, but a different sage.  Oh well, I guess I'll put the throw pillows on hold until I decide if I want to paint my walls.  Back I go to Pier 1 to return the pillows.  "I'm sorry," says the clerk, "but I can only give you in-store credit for these pillows."  "Why?" I ask, "I have the receipt right here.  I just bought them yesterday!  I am the original purchaser!"  Do you know what she says???  "Well, you obviously returned some other merchandise and the clerk did an exchange so you only have an exchange receipt and we can only give you in-store credit on an exchange receipt."  Are you kidding me???  You mean to tell me that because the clerk made a decision to do an exchange (I never said I wanted to exchange anything) that now I am screwed out of $35???  What if I had done this with a dining set?  What if hundreds to thousands of dollars were at stake?  So you know what Pier 1?  I found exactly the throw pillows I wanted at Bed, Bath, and Beyond.  I don't care if take that in-store credit to my grave, I'm not shopping at your store because I can't be sure that I'll ever get my money back.  I feel sad too, because I loved Pier 1.  But that was just sneaky.

Now for a special mention.  Remember I said that I'd had 4 bad experiences so one store will be getting special mention because even though things turned out okay for me, they only turned out that way because I learned my lesson from the Pier 1 experience and knew what to say: I bought Steve a Nook from Barnes & Noble for our anniversary.  The Nook didn't work properly, it wouldn't hold a charge.  I went to return said Nook and buy a new one.  I made it clear to the clerk that I wanted to return the Nook and then buy a new one, not do an exchange.  She said she couldn't do that, she had to do an exchange.  I asked for the manager.  The manager wanted to know why I was adamant that they not do an exchange so I asked her "if I do an exchange and this Nook doesn't work then I am stuck with $300 of in-store credit, right?  You won't credit my credit card, you'll give me in-store credit, right?"  The manager agreed that is what would happen.  "Fine," I said, "then just return this Nook and I don't want to buy a new one unless you will not do an exchange."  Finally the manager agreed, the new Nook was fine, Steve loves it, and all is well.  But had I not learned from the Pier 1 fiasco about the sneaky exchange policy, I would never have been able to return that Nook and get my money back if the second one didn't work.

All of these companies should feel ashamed of themselves.  The basic transaction between customer and store is one of risk.  I buy from you.  I may find it cheaper somewhere else in a few months.  I may decide I don't like it well after the return time has expired.  It may break in a few months.  Risk.  You sell it to me, I may change my mind, not like it, it doesn't work, it doesn't fit, whatever, then it is your responsibility to take it back and give me back my money as long as I have the receipt, I'm within 30 days,  and the merchandise is in the same condition as when it left the store.  Training your employees to quietly exchange things so people can never get their money back is dirty business.

Tad bit of payback, hmmmm?

I recently alluded to the fact that I had called American Express and had my statement closing date changed.  I did this because I didn't like my credit card payment coming due at the same time as my house payment and I really didn't like the credit card closing in the middle of the month. 

Usually when I call AmEx (which is rare because I really like how much functionality they have online) I have a quite enjoyable calling experience: friendly English speaking person, my request or question answered easily, maybe even a bit of a rapport before the call is ended?  Well everyone has an "off" night now and then and recently I drew the short straw when I called customer service.

AmEx: Thank you for calling American Express how may I help you? (said in thick-but-indeterminate-accent)

Me: Hello, I'd like to change my statement closing date.

AmEx: I can help you with that ma'am.  Is there a reason you need to change it?

Me: Well I'm glad you asked.  I need to change it because I was given incorrect information the last time I called to find out when my statements close.  I was told they close every 30 days but in actuality they closed  31 days in September, October, and November and only this last statement closed at 30 days thus making the payment due one day earlier than I thought it would be due thus making my payment 1 day late a crime for which you charged me $77 in late fees which I thought was very uncool considering how often I whip out my  AmEx card and market for you.

AmEx: Silence

Me: So now I'd like my statements to close on the last day of the month.

AmEx: Silence

Me: Is that possible?

AmEx: Ma'am I guess I'm not sure why you want to change the closing date.

Me: Because I don't like the statement closing in the middle of the month, I find this very confusing especially since it doesn't really close every 30 days it closes whenever you feel like closing it and since I watch this very carefully I got confused and was 1 day late with my payment and I got charged $77 in fees.  If it closes on the last day of the month then I will always know when it closes.

AmEx: Ma'am you can find your closing date online and you can also set up your account to email you when your bill is due.

Me: I know all this!  I am the queen of online bill pay!  I just want my statements to close on the last day of the month!

AmEx: I can do that ma'am.  I can make your closing date the 28th of the month which is the best I can do because not every month has more than 28 days.

Me: Okay.  When will this change take effect?

AmEx: Your statement will close as usual on January 16 but then will not close again until February 28.  Is there anything elseI can do for you today ma'am?

Me: Okay January 16 this month is great because that gives me time to adjust my budget.  Perfect.  Thank you for your help.

AmEx: Thank you ma'am, have a nice day.

Wanna know when my statement closes according to online bill pay?  January 28.  Not January 16.  Apparently my rant about the $77 in charges didn't go over very well (as well as calling the charges "uncool") and indeterminate-accent-man decided to see just how flexible my budget could be.

Well played, AmEx, well played.

Kudos to you, Arbella!

In the interest of full disclosure and giving kudos to those who deserve them I want to report today's conversation with Arbella Insurance.

After discovering my blog entry, Lynn from Arbella called me. The fact that Arbella was interested enough in resolving a customer service issue to research who I am and then call really impressed me. They put their money where their mouth is, so to speak. Lynn was calling simply to apologize. She didn't discount my bill or refund me any money she simply apologized. I am completely satisfied with that. Arbella doesn't need to bribe me to do what's right: pay my bill on time, accurately report our interactions on my blog -- all they needed to do was to accept responsibility and apologize.

Kudos to you, Arbella! Well done on the customer service. I feel confident that should I (God forbid!) ever have a claim that I will receive top rate service.

And if not, well, I always have Lynn's number and a blog!

Arbella - Get the Insurance You Need, Then Get a Big Bill

Uh-oh, I feel a customer service rant coming on...

I can't help it, I must wax poetic (or at least annoyed) about this situation. I haven't been this annoyed since I went 10 rounds with Bob's Furniture to get my account properly credited. In the first corner wearing the white collar we have Arbella Insurance. In the second corner wearing a startled expression and holding her checkbook we have Beth. Who will win?

Well, Arbella won. Let me elucidate:

We have our car insurance, homeowner's insurance and we had our renter's insurance with Arbella. This is not uncommon in New England where Arbella holds a substantial share of the insurance market. They are not the cheapest on car insurance but when you look at the overall cost of all the coverage we have, they are very competitive. Things were going along swimmingly until we bought our house.

First Arbella sends us a bill for the first year's homeowner's insurance. I thought we had paid it with our closing costs but hey, I couldn't find the closing documents and I certainly didn't want to be in arrears so I thought I'd pay first, ask questions later.

Then the refund checks began to arrive. First a check for $68.00. We weren't sure why Arbella refunded us $68 and there wasn't any accompanying documentation so we figured it was an overpayment of some kind. We cashed the check. Then a check for $493.00. I believe strongly in a provident universe but this seemed a little too provident so I called Arbella.
"Why did I get this refund?"
"I don't know ma'am. Your accounts are all paid up. Have you made any recent changes to your accounts?"
"Yes, we added a car and a house and dropped the rental. During the month of June we had 2 cars and 2 houses on the policy."
"Ah, that explains it ma'am. The refund is probably the result of discounts being added to your account and the unused portion of the renter's insurance."
"Okay, excellent! So the money is really mine?"
"Yes ma'am."
"Thank you!"
"Thank you ma'am. Is there anything I can help you with today?"
"No."
"Okay ma'am. Have a good day."

That was a lovely little exchange, wasn't it? Very polite. All questions answered. I cashed the check. A few weeks later another check comes, this one is the exact amount of my homeowner's premium for the year. I call my local agent this time. She walks me through my closing documents and helps me to find where I already paid the premium with my closing costs. "Is the money really mine?" I ask. "Yes." Great, I cash the check. Last week Arbella sends me a letter saying that $1,255.00 was applied to my account in error and would be removed. They apologized for any inconvenience this may cause me.

I call Arbella.
"What does this mean?" I ask.
"It means you owe us $1,255.00 by December 22" they reply.

Whaaat??? Why????

The polite-but-not-apologetic-agent informs me that there was an error. A glitch. It showed my balance paid in full when it really wasn't. They found the error, now they want the money. "But I called!" I wail, "I asked if the money was mine and you said yes!" "Sorry ma'am, we don't have a record of that call and you're the one who cashed the checks," says Miss-Professional-but-by-God-I-won't-apologize.

We went round and round. You owe, yes but you said I didn't, Yes but now you do, yes but you should have said that when I called, Yes but we didn't so you owe, etc., etc., etc.

I called my local agent and they went a few rounds with Arbella but the answer is the same: you owe, regardless of what we may or may not have told you in July, you owe.

I am not looking to profit from a clerical error. I owe. Okay, I already scheduled the payment through my bank, but I am looking for some decent customer service here, is that too much to ask? Would it have killed them to say "well, we'll write off the checks for $68 and $493 because she called, she gave us the opportunity to discover our mistake, we didn't, we lose." I can assure you that if I made a clerical error and didn't pay on time I would be expected to pay whatever late fees they wanted because I made a mistake and sometimes when you make a mistake it costs you a little. Would I be allowed to say "I'm sorry Arbella. I've had a data entry error in my Microsoft Money bill paying software. It showed that I've been paying you when I haven't. Since this is a clerical error you won't charge me any late fees, right?" I think not.

Yet that is exactly the courtesy I extended to Arbella.

"Well ma'am, if you wish to continue your coverage you'll need to pay by December 22."
"Yeah, thanks. Your generosity overwhelms me."
"Yes ma'am. Is that all I can help you with today?"
"Sigh. Yes. If you believe you were helpful, that is..."
"Okay ma'am, good bye."

(This is where I miss the old fashioned phones. Hitting end just doesn't have the satisfaction that slamming down the receiver used to have.)

SLAM! (there, that felt better).

Beth vs. Bob, The Reconciliation

In the interest of truth, accuracy, and the American Way I am reporting that Bob's has finally properly credited my account. I still have not received the receipt in the mail so American Express won in the race with the postal service. Frankly I may never receive a receipt which makes no difference to me since the account was credited.

The Battle is over. They were heavy losses on both sides...okay, well maybe there weren't losses exactly, and I doubt that anyone in the Bob's Discount Furniture company is even aware there were sides...but I know that I triumphed and scored one for the little guy. I have no doubt that had I not persisted in pursuing the refund I would have paid for a chair in which I never even got to sit.

I can't say for sure that I'll ever patron Bob's again. I was happy with the sales staff. Happy with the delivery guys. Happy with the merchandise. But I spent so much time and expended so much effort to correct an accounting error that should have been a no-brainer -- and I never even got the satisfaction of a decent apology from the company. If I would do business with them again and something similar would happen I would feel like I should have known better. It's something about which I'll have to think long and hard.

Customer service, a dying art.

Beth vs. Bob, the Saga continues

Bob called me back! Well, not Bob personally, but Bob-ette, or whatever the store manager's name was. Her phone call was a tad less perky than the other Bob-lings with whom I had been dealing but far more effective. She said I should receive in the mail a copy of the new receipt showing my credit card has been properly refunded. I shall eagerly await this correspondence. It is now a race to see who will show the refund first: American Express via their online card management, or Bob via the paper receipt.

If this truly is the end of the correspondence then I am both grateful and a little let-down. While I was gearing up for a face-to-face-public-showdown with the manager, the manager was slightly apologetic but mostly just businesslike. And while businesslike is what you expect when dealing with a ...um...business...it doesn't help with those feelings of annoyance, irritation, disbelief, and disappointment that had been building during my previous 10 conversations with the store.

Let it go, Beth, just let it go...

And I will. I will let it go. I will move on. Assuming the credit card truly is properly refunded.

But if it's not, I'm going to freak out!

Beth vs. Bob, cont.

Just to keep you up to date, I am on Round 10. I asked for a manager, spoke to a manager and now the manager is the one supposed to be calling me back. I don't want to sound pessimistic, but I've been here before and my belief that a manager will call me back is not very high.

The next step is to go into the store and speak, rather loudly, with a manager about why this is taking so bloomin' long. I say loudly not because I intend to shout, merely to be heard by any customers in the store. Sometimes stores work a little faster when it's no longer you and them on the phone but a more public forum.

I don't have on my avenging cape, but I am wearing an apron and wedge sandals circa those scary pictures of the vodka-tonic-swilling-bright-red-lipstick-wearing-hair-marcel-waved '50s housewives that are lovingly depicted on old Coke memorabilia. I just hope it's enough.

Beth vs. Bob

New house. New floor plan. New room sizes. New furniture, right? So off we went to look for a chair to "fill up" the Great Room. We looked in at least 5 different furniture stores before we found Bob's. Bob's was a little different as furniture showrooms go: huge fish pond in the middle of the store, ice cream parlor in the back, great furniture, and really laid back salespeople who worked on commission but didn't hover. It was like heaven. We didn't stop with just one chair, no sirree, we bought 2 chairs, a chaise, 3 counter stools and matching desk chair, a desk for Steve with matching Barrister bookcase, 2 end tables, a coffee table, and 2 bean bag style chairs for the basement!

Bob's hit the jackpot with us that day. The prices were good, the salespeople were helpful, and the delivery would take place in 3 days. So far, so good.

For the record I was a little worried about the delivery because the movers we had hired had not been all that great and they took a "bang and toss" approach to getting our furniture in the house and I wasn't sure my nerves could take another crew with a bad attitude. My nerves need not have worried because Bob's delivery guys were great. They came in a Bob's truck (as opposed to the mysterious unmarked van in which other furniture stores have delivered furniture) wearing a uniform with name tags and they carefully unwrapped each item, helped us to inspect the item, and then gently loaded it into our home. I was so amazed I actually called the store to compliment them on their delivery personnel. It was during the inspection of one of the chairs that the damage was noticed: the fabric on the arm of one chair was pretty unravelled. "No problem" said the wonderful delivery guys "we'll take it back with us now and you can either arrange to have a new one delivered or be credited for the return."

We decided that the room would be too crowded with the 2nd chair and to simply have our AmEx card credited.

That was when the trouble began.

We called Bob's and they were extremely pleasant: sure we'll credit your AmEx card, no problem, so sorry that happened. I check AmEx, no credit. I wait 3 business days. No credit. I wait 5 business days. No credit. I call Bob's: sure we'll credit your AmEx card, no problem, so sorry that happened. I wait 3 business days. No credit. I wait 5 business days. No credit. I call Bob's: my goodness we don't know what went wrong ma'am, we'll credit your card immediately. The next day I receive a credit card receipt in the mail showing they have credited an AmEx card with the correct amount. Unfortunately the card number is wrong. I call Bob's: sure we'll correct the error, no problem, so sorry that happened. I wait 3 business days. No credit. I call Bob's: the office manager is out today but we'll take care of it tomorrow and call you back. Tomorrow comes, no call. I call Bob's: the office manager is working diligently to correct the error ma'am. No, she isn't in the office right now but I'll have her call you back with the status of your account in an hour. I wait all day, no call.

Now for those of you keeping count I have called Bob's a total of 6 times so far regarding the same issue and it still isn't resolved. Nearly 3 weeks has elapsed. I spend about 10 minutes of time each day checking my AmEx statement online for the credit then calling Bob's to find out why they haven't made the credit. The time is adding up and soon the amount of time and energy I have put into getting the credit will exceed the price of the chair! So I ask you, why? Why can a store charge money to an account within minutes of the purchase but it takes 3 weeks (and counting) to get a refund for merchandise that never even entered my home? Why is it that the salespeople and delivery guys can be so great but the business office so inept?

It's the Battle of Beth versus Bob and right now Bob is winning. He's wearing me down. I find myself becoming more and more reluctant to call Bob's yet again. I feel the drag of apathy and I am fighting against it, I mean this is real money folks! I can see why this tactic works: it is draining to battle the polite-and-helpful-and-apologetic forces of evil. I have actually wondered a few times if I am somehow to blame for all this. Tomorrow will be Round 7. I'm down, but not out. My fingers are bloody from dialing their number again and again and my head aches from their chipper-yet-completely-ineffective-apologies but I feel confident I will prevail. Truth and justice are on my side.

I may not be a big franchise or have a cute bobble head doll representing me but with my Rocky theme song playing in the background I will win! I will get my AmEx card credited!

But just in case, maybe the next time I call them I should wear a cape?

Another Realtor rant? Well, why not?

Oh dear, I seem to have had yet another run-in with a group that does less to earn their money than your average pan-handler. Yes, I know that not all Realtors (why do they always capitalize the 'R'?) are bad, just as not all blondes are dumb and not all used-car-salesmen are dishonest, but this is my blog...soooo...

I recently woke the family up early on a sleety Sunday morning, got everybody showered and breakfasted, and braved the elements to go to an Open House. The house was advertised on the website, on a flyer, and in the newspaper, thus I felt safe in assuming the house was really 'Open.' When we arrived at the house there was no sign, no balloons, no evidence of anybody being home, including a Realtor. I called the number on the For Sale sign and left a voicemail for the listing agent. As I was leaving the message the door to the house opened and the listing agent herself came outside, appearing as though she was getting ready to leave. I hopped out of the car and asked her if the house was really Open and she replied that she was going to a birthday party for her nephew and thought because the weather was bad that no one would really come out anyway so she was just showing the house to her mother and then they were planning to go to Toys R Us. Let us all keep in mind at this point in the story that this woman ADVERTISED the house would be Open. She told me she would show us the house if we wanted. We wanted. After seeing the house, which was so out-of-date the ceiling in the dining room was made of canvas (?) she thanked us for coming and told me that if I "get serious about finding a house" I should contact her.

Excuse me? Get serious? How much more serious can one be than to drag their family out on a sleety Sunday morning to see an Open House, including calling the listing agent to ensure the house is really Open? What was she expecting? Should I be toting a wagon full of the purchase price in cash around with me as I look at these houses?

As I was still digesting this latest industry-idiot, Steve received an email from the Realtor who sold our house in Ohio. She wants to know if we can tell the new owners how to work the garage door opener because the keypad isn't working and they have had to use the front door to go in and out of the house. Steve said yes he can help them: they should go to the store, buy 2 AA batteries, put them in the keypad and Voila! It's really not magic, folks. I admit that the new homeowners probably aren't too bright, but how about the Realtor who relayed the message? How is this our problem?

And let's not forget the original Realtor with whom I have already had to dissolve a relationship due to her incompetence.

I know, I know, I'm supposed to be on Sabbatical...

Ummm, you get PAID to do this...

Lately I have decided that my realtor and I are not going to have a lasting relationship. Let me begin by offending all realtors everywhere by saying what a scam being a realtor is. You get paid a commission on the sale price of the property...so as my listing agent you want me to sell for the highest price possible, right? Hmm....yet you are incurring expenses (allegedly) to market my home and the longer my home is on the market the more expenses you incur so that would lead me to believe that you want my home to sell quickly and how exactly can one sell a house quickly? Lower the price?

Looking at the numbers on say, a $300,000 home, this is what really is happening: Selling my home for $290,00 less means $10,000 less to me, but only $300 dollars less for the realtor (assuming their half of the commission is 3%) for a total paycheck of $8700 vs. $9000. How motivated to get that additional $300 is an agent really going to be? As the Buyer's Agent, the commission is still based upon the selling price of the home, so using the same formula each additional $1,000 I pay for a home is $30 more for my agent and all the agent has to do is advise me that she thinks this is what the homeowner will accept.

The current situation is that I am one finding the houses online, emailing my agent with the MLS number, she sets up a showing, lets me in the house, I decide if the house is right for me, and then we start the process all over again. If I pay $300,000 for a house my agent will make $9000 for unlocking the door. That's all she has done. She has not found any houses for me, she has suggested I "drive by a property before requesting a showing since neighborhood is so important to you" so I don't "waste either of our time" and several times she has tried to talk me into houses that were obviously not a fit by proclaiming that "there's just not a lot out there right now!" Does this woman read the news? It's a BUYERS market and I'm a buyer. I am pre-approved, pre-qualified, and don't have a house to sell. I am real estate gold right now and she is letting me slip away because she is lazy.

What do I want from my real estate agent? I want her to find house for me. I want her to email me the listings and suggest neighborhoods. I want her to say "always bid low the first time. You can always go up and they just might accept your initial offer." I want her to suggest new communities that I may not even know about since I have only lived in the state for 6 months. I want her to work for the $9000 paycheck. I shouldn't have to drive by a listing using my own not-tax-deductible car and gas -- that is her job!

I want someone who shows some pride in their profession and some motivation to get the job done. I want to buy a house, is that too much to ask?