Biteable Butt

There have been many things that have been surprising to me since moving to Massachusetts. One of the more pleasant surprises has been seeing the police officers…everywhere! They are directing traffic, they are present at every construction site keeping the workers safe and traffic moving, they are driving around, setting speed traps, and patrolling the streets on foot. More surprising than actually seeing police, is seeing how fit these guys are. I do have firsthand knowledge, however, that the cuteness does not necessarily extend to the personality…Yesterday I am driving home which means going completely vertical as I attempt to haul my oversized SUV’s ass up the hill. A dump truck is stopped on the right side of the street. A utility truck is stopped on the left side of the street. The bright orange diamond proclaims “Utility work ahead” A cute cop stands in the middle of the road wearing his bright orange rain slicker and a foul expression on his cute young face. I wait for a moment behind the dump truck, realize it’s not going anywhere and slowly begin to pull around the truck toward my driveway. I can see the cop’s mouth moving and his grim expression looking even more grim even as it appears he is waving me forward, but a really good Tears for Fears song (Shout) is on and I don’t want to roll down my window and 1. get wet 2. miss any of the song. Finally the hand signals are unmistakeable and I realize he wants me to stop. I open the window and get a close up view of this 25-30 yr old hottie as he yells at me that he wasn’t gesturing for me to go but for the dump truck to go and would I mind waiting my turn? As he angrily turns around his rain slicker flies out and I get to see that while he IS an ass, he also has a good ass and I find myself wondering what he would do if I got out and bit his butt. Would I get arrested? Is cop butt-biting considered an assault or a come-on? I meekly pulled into my driveway while he glared and I laughed. I now sit warm and dry in my home while he stands outside, dripping, glaring, and frankly, unbitten. No mouthful of soggy polyester for me, he’s too much of an ass.