I have lost my filters, lost my temper and lost my composure. I have turned into a screaming banshee who is incapable of discussing things rationally. I disregard time, place, audience, and appropriateness of content. Sound like a description from a mental heath journal? Well, it probably is a description of someone: someone who has lost their mind.
Usually I am the master of keeping cool under pressure. I used to have such a tight rein on my emotions that I defied even a botoxed southern belle to keep a straighter poker face than I could.
Recently, I seem to have lost all that ability.
I am not sure that it's necessarily a bad thing to be expressing my feelings. I mean all that the tighter-face-than-a-Botox-babe thing really got me was irritable bowel syndrome and a brain tumor. It's not having the feelings that is bad, it's how they are being expressed that is not really working for me. Or my marriage. Or my parenting ability.
Breathe.
Once upon a time, a very healthy time, I did yoga, didn't consume sugar or animal products, and regularly got together with other women for some good ol' fashioned girl talk. Now I couldn't do a downward dog to save my life, I eat anything that doesn't run from me, and I live in almost complete isolation saved only by my cell phone and 2 dedicated friends.
How is all this a weekly wellbeing? Well, sometimes it takes hitting bottom to really begin to look up and let me tell you: my head aches from hitting bottom so hard. So now I wake up, pick myself up, stop feeling mixed up, hook up with some friends, clean up the house, open up to my husband, fix-up our marriage, count up my blessings and move on (up, of course!).
I'm exhausted. I think I'll have a few doughnuts as a pick-me-up (just kidding!).
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2 comments:
Excellent job of losing your mind! Well done! It must be done every once in a while so that you can find it again. I, myself, have done the lost/found cycle many time and discovered it to be quite helpful.
Beth...I hope it is okay with you but I have linked your blog to my blog. If you are opposed, let me know and I will take your link down. I hope all is well and my blog is at; http://only4atime.blogspot.com/
Take care!
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