My New Job

For awhile now I have been wondering what I want to be when I grow up. I have done the computer-programmer thing and frankly, even with all the orderly 1's and 0's appealing to my need for order and control, I just don't see myself doing it again.

I have substitute taught, a job I loved, but the erratic schedule drove my family crazy.

I have volunteered my little heart out which is definitely work, but somehow still I have felt unfulfilled.

I have considered going back to school for everything from my master's in education to a degree in physical education so I can be a personal trainer.

I just didn't know what I wanted to do...

...So I prayed about it and waited and worried about it and waited and forgot about it and then the phone rang: "Beth, are you available to teach kindergarten for at least 4 weeks starting Wednesday?"

"Ummm..."

"We realize that you don't have a teaching certificate or even a substitute teaching certificate but you are background-checked and we are desperate!"

"Ummm...I um guess I um, well yeah! I'd actually love it!"

"Wonderful! You start Monday with a conference but you'll need to get your classroom in order because after the conference is orientation on Tuesday and school starts Wednesday."

"Okay!" I get off the phone. The reality sets in. What have I done??

Well, I've leaped again, that's what I've done. This is another leap of faith in a long line of leaps, jumps, and hops and I'm sure this one will turn out to be (like all the others) exactly the right thing to be doing at the right time.

I'm scared, though. Nervous. Intimidated. And very, very excited.

I love kids this age and I love being in the classroom. So here I go: 1, 2, 3 JUMP!

Eat This...AND That..and that...and that..

After a four year hiatus I am returning to a vegan lifestyle. I have never felt so good in my life as I did during the 5 years I was a total vegan: my energy was up, I slept great, I was always healthy, people said I looked younger, and keeping my figure was effortless. You may wonder what could occur in someone's life to make them change a lifestyle that is obviously working so well for them, well, it was during the height of all this health that I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. While I know logically that it's not possible that being vegan caused the tumor somewhere in my head the lifestyle leading up to the diagnosis and the actual diagnosis itself got all twisted up and I found myself reluctant to continue being a vegan. At first it was for practical purposes that I began eating animal products: I needed to keep my weight up. After the tumor was discovered I was panicked, unable to eat, continuously nauseous (due to fear), and losing weight rapidly. Because I was already very slender when I was diagnosed, the 5 pounds that I dropped within the first 2 weeks were really noticeable. Steve said "you've got to eat and not that weird seaweed crap you usually eat, I want you to eat meat!" and so I did. I felt like somehow the tumor was punishment for the ultra-healthy lifestyle. I know it doesn't make sense, but that's what I was thinking.

Then, after the surgery I returned to veganism but found myself feeling afraid, shaky, and nervous most of the time. I didn't realize at the time that I was dealing with what a lot of people who have had a surgery deal with - a kind of post-traumatic-stress-syndrome where you know the immediate danger is over but now begin to ask the big questions about long-term survival. I found that I seemed to feel less shaky when I ate bigger, fuller meals and that quickly led to meat and then finally even to some dairy as well. I gained weight. I felt okay. I began to get the regular assortment of colds that most people consider normal - though I had not had a cold the entire time I was vegan. My allergies kicked in to high gear.

A year went by. Then two. Three. Four years later here I am feeling awful. I have joint aches, I have had several colds/sinus infections, I feel heavy, lethargic, and old. I kept wondering what should I be doing that I am not already doing? I exercise. I eat a very balanced diet of fruits and veggies. I am active with friends and happy in my marriage and family life. Why don't I feel well? While walking yesterday it hit me: it's what I eat. I think that some people's bodies just aren't really made to digest animal products. Specifically I think my body doesn't digest them well.

The first time I went vegan it was like throwing a switch: one day I was eating pepperoni pizza, the next day I wouldn't eat anything made with animal products. That approach works, but maybe there is a more balanced approach that I can take this time around. I simply won't prepare any foods containing animal products for myself when I am at home. I always ate whatever I was served at people's homes and I will continue to do that but this time I won't be such a pain when we go out to restaurants. This time I will allow for gray areas such as butter or eggs. I'm going to try it. I think a month's worth of time is a reasonable test period and I'm going to see how I feel. My theory is that the joint aches, stomach aches, and heaviness will be gone. I'll let you know.

Either way it's going to be good for me to dissociate veganism from a brain tumor. It's good to process all those feelings and put them in perspective. It's good to look forward to eating again because what I am eating feels right to me.

Glass of soy milk, anyone?